My beloved husband of fifty years died yesterday.
I stepped out of the hospice
-feeling elated that my prayers have been answered,
he has finally gone home, away from suffering and life so diminished.
-feeling relieved that he is no longer my responsibility,
I am free to care for myself and do whatever I want.
-feeling exhausted after nine months of caring for his every need,
countless difficult hospital visits, house filled with people and equipment.
My beloved husband of fifty years died last week.
I stepped out of the church
-feeling good that today’s funeral was full of joy and infinite love,
even our three broken-hearted children found it a positive experience.
-feeling proud that our four young grand-children rose splendidly to the occasion,
the sad day of memories enriched by fun and laughter.
-feeling God’s presence in the huge attendance,
prayers for me from a multitude of warm hearts.
My beloved husband of fifty years died last month.
I stepped out of my bed
-feeling broken as I work out a new normality,
discarding his un-needed possessions.
-feeling lonely in the dark, listening to the silence,
stroking his pillow, talking to an empty space.
-feeling fragile grappling with financial matters,
the mower, the car, the computer, then eating alone.
My beloved husband of fifty years died a few months ago.
I stepped out to life
-feeling nervous that I had taken on new challenges,
but hearing my beloved say, ‘Keep moving forward’.
-feeling hope because resurrection is a given,
and ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’.
-feeling thankful for family and friends always available if I need them,
and for all those years blessed with the love of my life.
© Ann Cooper
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