Mary has second thoughts
My heart questions you, Lord. I feel worried and frightened at what you are asking me to do.
Yes, you have focussed on me – and, goodness knows, I have tried to live in your ways and to do your will – but why did you have to choose me?
I wonder what people will think. They’ll hardly believe me fortunate, having a baby out of wedlock. How can they call me happy – or blessed? This call, to be the mother of the Messiah – I shan’t be able to tell anyone – they’ll think I’m mad. God, you are holy and mighty – but why have you chosen me, such an ordinary person, for this special task?
Lord, I’ve seen how you have saved your people in the past. But what about today? Sometimes you seem to be showing no mercy to those who honour you. Innocent people – Christians, Jews and Muslims alike – are being persecuted and randomly killed. Where is the salvation in that?
Just now you don’t seem to be scattering those who are arrogant. Day after day we hear more of the apparently unthoughtout whims of world leaders. And, if you do bring mighty kings down from their thrones, you seem to take your time about it.
If I am the lowly that you have lifted up, I’m not sure that I’m that thrilled about it.
What about the poor and hungry? Christian Aid and Water Aid can tell us that the four richest men in the world have between them the wealth that could feed the poor. But they don’t. The rich become richer and the poor become poorer. I cannot see any empty-handed rich!
Lord, if I am to be the instrument of bringing in the Kingdom, the Kingdom that stretches back to your promise to Abraham, and a Kingdom that will never end, then I suppose I should be glad.
But I’m not. Not at the moment.
And yet… and yet… Lord, it’s not wrong to have these negative thoughts, is it? Surely I’m only being natural. I guess it’s what I do about them ultimately that matters. Help me where my faith is falling short. I do know that, as you were for my forefathers, you have always been there for me in the past and that you will be again. Please, Lord, restore to me the joy of your presence. I am your servant. May your will be done, in me and through me, in the name of Jesus your Son whom you are entrusting to me.
© Katharine Cheney
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